


Some Things Don't Deserve To Fly

by L0velyMist



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Bad Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Bad Parenting, Dead Wilbur Soot, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, Parental Sam | Awesamdude, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Protective Cara | CaptainPuffy, The egg doesn't exist here, They/Them Pronouns for Eret (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 16:55:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30041823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L0velyMist/pseuds/L0velyMist
Summary: Tommy has wings, he hates them so Eret cuts them off for him. Phil never knew Tommy had them in the first place.TW: mentions of suicide and abuse!
Comments: 4
Kudos: 251





	Some Things Don't Deserve To Fly

**Author's Note:**

> TW: mentions of abuse, mentions of suicide, suicide attempt etc.
> 
> Btw, some parts seem rushed but pl keep in mind I wrote this thing at like 2am

Tommy hates looking at his reflection, especially when **they're** in frame. Tommy took a deep breath and spread them out. Beautiful white-red feathered wings that spread across the room. They looked so magical, so out of this world, but Tommy hated them. He hated them with a passion so burning that he could set those wings on fire if he could. But he chickened out when he thought of the idea, he's on his last life, if he burns the wings then he might accidentally burn with them. That's the last thing he wants to do. 

After thinking about his lives, he thought about the two times he has died before; the final control room when he was 11, and the duel with dream when he was 12. It's so sad that he didn't even get to enjoy life to its fullest before dying yet. Then he thought about the times he almost died, exile, that's when he should've died, but he is happy to still be alive. 

Tommy returned his thoughts to the wings he hates so much, but why does he hate them? The answer is simple, they remind him of ~~Dad~~ Phil. Phil didn't deserve the nickname "dad", he stopped deserving it a long time ago, Tommy was too much of a coward to admit that. Phil was never there for him or for Wilbur, back in his home village, before Wilbur told Tommy that they're going to a 'land far away', Phil would always go on adventures and leave Wil with Tommy. And whenever Wil wasn't able to babysit Tommy, Sam was the one to be there, even though he always lived so far away, he always found time to come and spend time with Tommy. But Tommy doesn't remember much from his childhood, all he remembers is a warm smile from different individuals that Tommy can't quite name, closed doors, and Wilbur packing their bags. That's all he knows from before they came to the Dream SMP. Tommy remembered Sam, it was quite the shocker that such a welcoming man was the Warden of a prison he himself owns, but he was glad to see him again. 

Tommy knew who Technoblade was but never met him in person. He only heard of him from Philza and Wil, and he has seen Techno outside their house a few times. It's strange though, because a while back he found out that Technoblade was the one who gave him his name. Tommy's real name is Theseus, but one day Wilbur called him "Tommy" and it stuck to this day. He never questioned why the name was given to him by 'a stranger' and not by his own Father, he just let it slide. _If I am Theseus, then Wilbur must be Icarus._ One day in Pogtopia, Tommy was surprised that such a powerful being, literally nicknamed "The Blood God" sent them a letter, one that tells them his on his way to help. Both Tommy and Wilbur knew it wasn't to "help" but it was just an excuse for him to seek blood and war. Tommy was excited to get such a powerful ally on their team, Wilbur hated the idea and Tommy didn't see why, Tommy actually began to think of Techno as an older brother.

_Then he killed Tubbo_

Tommy snapped back to reality. what was he talking about? oh right, the wings. Tommy wanted to get rid of them. But how? He spent quite a long time trying to think of someone who has medical knowledge and _isn't_ his enemy. Tubbo would immediately disagree to the idea of cutting his wings off, he didn't want to be a burden to Sam, Niki seemed a little out of her mind since she found out about Wilbur's death, Phil was the last person he wanted to see him, or his wings. Then it hit him,

"I'll go to Eret!" Tommy exclaimed in a tone of happiness. Tommy recovered from that trauma some time ago, he trusted Eret, Eret has done enough to try and redeem himself and Tommy acknowledged the fact that he is king. But just because he thinks of Eret as a good man, doesn't mean that there weren't any consequences to that betrayal, Tommy still has trust issues. He can't go a day without betraying someone he meets because he's scared that they will cut him off first. He grabbed Wilbur's (now renewed and cleaned) coat and ran down the prime path. There was a slight breeze brushing his face as he ran. The sun was slowly setting and the world seemed to spin in slow motion, he didn't know why he got that weird feeling, but he ignored it. It was getting slightly uncomfortable to run with his wings out whilst wearing the coat, it slightly hurt him, like carrying a really heavy bag on your shoulder for too long. But he will just suck it up, like he's been taught to. 

Tommy finally began to see Eret's castle forming in the horizon. Eret himself was standing outside, feeding the chickens that they for some reason imprisoned in a small box. Eret turned to see Tommy running toward him, which caught him off guard but he waited to see what the boy wanted.

"Hey Tommy, what's up?" Eret asked, patiently waiting for Tommy to catch his breath.

"let's go inside first.." Tommy answered with a serious tone that he didn't mean to put on.

Eret welcomed Tommy inside and had a small talk about how things have been going as they went upstairs. Tommy admired the paintings and decorations that hang on the walls, he wondered who painted them but didn't care enough to ask. They slowly made their way into the room. Eret and Tommy sat down on two chairs with a small table between them. Tommy slowly took off his coat, revealing the fragile-looking wings.

"I want you to cut them off for me, big man."

"what?" Eret was genuinely confused, not because he went to Eret with that proposal, but because Eret never knew he had wings. Eret just accepted this, everything in these forsaken lands doesn't make sense so why should this.

"I mean it's not like I know how to fly anyway, haha..." 

it's true, Tommy never learned how to fly, no one was there to teach him. The closest thing he can do to flying is glide, he learnt how to do so by observing Phil flying and copying his movements, it was not, however, useful in his opinion. The reason he knows how to glide and not fly, is because he had to use past memories instead of real-time ones. Tommy's wings grew in when he and Wilbur were on the way to the Dream SMP, they never informed Phil about it. But the process of the growth was not easy, the pain was so awful and terrifying, the amount of blood that was spilled was enormous, Wilbur always thought that it's a miracle he survived that. Either way, he never had his wings out. Another reason for not having his wings out was Wilbur, when they started l'manburg, Wil told Tommy "never show your wings out in public." he never understood why he said that, maybe to protect Tommy, maybe so he won't get reckless with them, maybe it was just simple jealousy that Tommy had wings and Wilbur didn't and he didn't want to be reminded that he doesn't. It's ironic though, that Tommy is Theseus, and Wil is compared to Icarus, and yet, Tommy is the one with wings.

Eret, after at least an hour of convincing, agreed. They told Tommy to sit down on the floor and take his shirt off. Eret brought 2 splash potions of resistance, 1 drinkable potion of regeneration, and a gapple just incase Tommy won't drink the 1 potion. Sam told Eret that Tommy hates the taste of a resistance potion due to the trauma he went through in exile with Dream. They also brought a couple of bandages, some alcohol for cleansing the wound and clean cloth.

"I will cut your wings with this sharp blade, it will hurt like a bitch, but I will try my best to numb the pain." Eret simply put what will happen into words, Eret didn't want to do this since it was his first time seeing the wings, but they didn't want the kid to suffer.

"wait it's the only medication we need for this?" Tommy asked genuinely confused.

"Well, as you know, most of the better medical drugs were produced in L'manburg, you and Wil were the ones who started the idea, and you had the biggest supply," Eret paused for a few seconds, "And after Doomsday, it all blew up along with any artifacts and history books that were in there, blame Techno and Dream, they kind of erased history..."

Eret positioned Tommy in a more comfortable position. He spread his wings out to make the job easier for Eret. All Tommy heard was a quiet "Hang in there okay?" and then an intense amount of pain that kept disappearing and reappearing over and over. He wanted to scream but his vocal chords weren't ready for that kind of pain. He could see drops of red and feathers in the corner of his eye. _is it over?_

"Eat the gapple, quickly,"

Tommy grabbed the gapple and ate it faster than anything he has eaten before. The gapple gave him some regeneration, but it wasn't enough. He hesitantly grabbed the pot of regen and drank it despite Eret saying that he doesn't have to.

The moment that sweet substance got on his tongue, his body immediately rejected it, he threw up, he couldn't stand it. Guess it's just his response to the trauma Dream gave him, those days where Dream would come over, beat him half to death over a small mistake, feed him a regeneration potion and then beat him again. It brings back bad memories.

"I- I'm sorry..." Tommy said quietly, trying not to show the disturbance in his emotions.

"No dude, it's okay, I'll clean it up, you don't have to worry." Eret reassured Tommy that it's okay. "You'll have to rest for at least a day or so before going around and jumping from place to place."

"yeah..."

Eret gently wrapped Tommy's torso in bandages that quickly soaked with blood. It took them a while but Tommy was finally wrapped up correctly.

"You have anyone to pick you up, or should I walk with you back to your house?" Eret kindly offered.

"Well, could you get Sam, if he's not busy of course..." Tommy tried to put a joke somewhere in that sentence but couldn't.

"Yeah of course, man."

____________________________________

Whilst waiting, Eret told Tommy to go rest somewhere on the ground floor. They picked up the wings and cleaned all of the red liquid off of the floor so it wouldn't dry and stain it. Eret observed the wings, every single feather looked so untouched, so clean, as if they were never used but never brushed either. They didn't know what to do with these, they could give them back to Tommy but it was clear that Tommy doesn't want to see them. Eret could put it up in the museum but that would also be a slap in the face for Tommy. Eret wrapped them up in some cloth and hid them away in a special chest. To be fair, they don't know how wings work, they have no idea whether they will decompose or not but might as well do whatever you can to keep them safe.

Some time passed and Sam finally showed up at Eret's castle in concern.  
Tommy was sitting on Eret's throne since they allowed him.

"Tommy? Is everything okay?" Sam asked.

"um... is it okay if I stay at your base tonight?" Tommy asked quietly before adding, "and could you carry me there if that's okay?"

There was a brief moment of silence before Sam agreed in a more cheerful tone. Tommy was able to stand up, the problem was when he started walking, his head would spin, most likely as the result of consuming the amount of medicine that Eret has given him.

Sam carried Tommy on his back and told him to hold on tight, he splashed a potion of water resistance so they won't get wet as much as they would without it. Then in no time they were in the air, Sam was using his trident to soar through the skies. _I wonder if this is how I would feel if I ever learned to fly..._ Tommy thought to himself as he looked down on the scenery below him. Tommy knew how to use a trident, Dream taught him, he still had Dream's trident and used it frequently, so Tommy still didn't know why he was so fascinated about the fact they were flying. 

After a 20 minute journey they finally arrived at Sam's base, where he sat Tommy down on the couch. 

"So you cut off your wings, huh?" Sam said in a tone of emotion that Tommy couldn't work out. "why?"

Tommy was hesitant on whether or not he should tell him the actually reason. 3 minutes passed in silence that no one dared to interrupt. Tommy decided to speak up.

"Well, you see..." He tried to be careful with his words as not to worry Sam, "I just thought it was selfish of me to have my wings, y'know, I just kinda thought that if I were to fall to my death, I'd have my wings to save me from falling but that would defeat the whole purpose of death, y'know. Everyone else would've died in that kind of situation, so I thought that cutting my wings would be a more selfless act." Tommy was silent for a few seconds. "And maybe Phil would finally acknowledge me as a person." Tommy didn't mean to say the last part, he didn't even mean it, he cut the wings off for literally the opposite reason, Phil literally doesn't have a clue about these wings and yet that phrase somehow landed on his tongue.

Sam stared at Tommy in awe, _That kid would do anything to get noticed by his neglecting father, wouldn't he?_ Sam thought to himself. Sam just waited in the uncomfortable silence that they accidentally created.  
"Tommy just so you know, being alive is the most selfless act you can do for anyone." Sam quietly said, breaking the silence, but the silence returned.  
Tommy didn't answer back he just looked at anything else but Sam's face.

An hour or two pass, Tommy was alone in a room that once belonged to George, Sam said that he can spend the night since George now has his own house. Tommy began to think about what he said _And maybe Phil would finally acknowledge me as a person._ Then he thought about Doomsday. Techno's words echoes through his head.

_I'M A PERSON! DISCS AREN'T PEOPLE!_

Techno says that he's a person, but does he recognise any of them as people. If Techno is a person, does he understand that everyone else has feelings too, that that day, he broke so many hearts, possibly even destroyed some of their mental health and innocence. But then again, did anyone in this land had any innocence to begin with. _It's Techno's fault that he made himself to act as a weapon in the first place._  
Tommy couldn't stand the silence anymore, he opened the enderchest located in the room and pulled out Mellohi, his favourite disc, and played it on a jukebox nearby. He liked Mellohi a lot. He doesn't know why, it may be the calming and mysterious beat that drifts him to sleep, or it might be because his earliest memory is of his birthday, in a warm house, opening a box with a disc inside it, either way ever since he got the discs back from Dream, he swore that he will never let anyone else than himself touch those circular objects.  
Tommy drifted off to sleep.  
____________________________________

The next day Tommy decided to go back to the SMP, the L'manhole to be specific. Sam insisted to walk him there and after a while Tommy finally agreed. There wasn't much that he wanted to do today, mainly relax if he was allowed. The moment they got close to the hole, Tommy couldn't help but pick up the pace. Sam told Tommy that he will be around if he needs him. Tommy nodded and sat at the edge of the crater. He looked down at the hole, in the center of all the blown up stone was the 1st L'manburg flag, flowing in the tiny breeze that reached down there. Tommy's mind began to switch between hundreds of different scenes until he stopped at the first ever completed l'manburg. He could see the camarvan, he could see the walls, he could see Tubbo calling out to him on top of them, he could see Wilbur babying Fundy by the camarvan, he could see Niki planting flowers in various spots. He could feel his eyes tearing up, a droplet found its way down his cheek. _I just wish we could go back to the simple times._ he thought to himself. His legs were dangling off the edge an then he held someone call out to him.

"Theseus?" Techno appeared behind Tommy "What are you doing here?"

Tommy snapped back to reality. He looked behind him to see Techno standing, looking as strong as he is.

"O-oh Techno.." Tommy wiped the tears that were in his eyes. "J-just passing by, y'know how it is" 

Techno looked unamused. He didn't know why Tommy was there but he pulled him away from the edge of the hole. "Come with me."

"Huh? Why?" Tommy was dumbfounded.

"Phil and I are taking a stroll through the SMP, you can join us if you want."

Tommy didn't say anything in return, he just nodded and followed wherever Techno was going. Tommy couldn't tell what he and Techno were feeling towards one another, it felt like hatred and anger, mixed with guilt and care. It's like they were sworn enemies, but they didn't want anything to happen to one another. Tommy didn't know how to act, he doesn't even know why he agreed to follow Techno, he just did. They got close to the now-repaired community House. Phil was there, with his wings out, standing like he fears nothing. Now that Dream is imprisoned he will never know who flies and who doesn't, so Phil flies freely.

"Techno, Tommy, hey!" Phil greeted them both with carelessness.

"Hellooo" 

Tommy stayed silent, he panicked inside but kept a steady shape and only waved. Techno and Phil were talking so casually in front of him, as if nothing happened. They were talking like they've never done anything wrong in their lives. Tommy has an urge to punch something really hard but he stops himself.

"want an apple?" Phil handed Tommy the red fruit.

Tommy politely declined with an awkward smile on his face. Phil's eyes lit up for a second and Tommy didn't know why.

"Your fangs are growing in, mate!" Phil cheered with a grin, Tommy felt sick and he didn't know why.

"Yeah they're there. Actually they grew back in exile, haha" Tommy replied trying to sound casually.  
Wilbur used to have these exact kind of fangs, no one ever got around to know what kind of species they were, avians, bats, Phoenix, spicy humans, or maybe a mixed species. They were both adopted but they're definitely related to eachother one way or another. One day Phil just gave up with figuring out their DNA, and just decided that they're humans with teeth a little bit sharper than others. But then Phil didn't know that Tommy would grow in wings, he still doesn't know. After all, Phil found Tommy and Wilbur when Tommy was just 2 years old.

Techno looked at Tommy with a frown, to which Tommy internally panicked.

"Tommy are you good?" 

"Huh? oh yeah yeah! I'm completely fine, I'm just... trying to process everything that's happening at the moment."

There was an awkward silence that filled the air once again, Tommy understood why, he wasn't that stupid.  
They don't trust Tommy and it's blatantly obvious, if they did, they would've been talking about something they're planning or something they have already planned. The reason Tommy even knows that is because Techno was the one to take care of Tommy when he was at his worst. Tommy was very thankful for that, if Tommy never found Techno's house, he would've been dead.

"So..." Techno started off, "I think you have something of mine."

"huh?"

"The Axe of Peace, Tommy." Philza finished.

"I don't have it." Tommy lied, he was taught that in situations like these, the best thing to do is lie. You could be asking, what are 'situations like these'? The answer is; No one knows. Tommy doesn't know what 'situations like these' are. He just knows that if he wants to have something without losing it again, it's best to lie and pray.

"You-" Techno almost growled, "You know what, whatever." 

The awkward silence returned to fill the air, no one knew what to talk about, Phil almost brought something up but stopped himself. Then Tommy started a conversation.

"So what're the voices saying?" 

Techno looked like he's done with life, but then again the best thing to do was just to give in.

"If you'd like to know so much then I'll tell you." He sounded bored. "Some are telling me to kill you, some are screaming 'E', some are telling me to leave and a few are saying that they want you to stay."

Techno said the last line a little quieter than the rest, in truth, he didn't fully want Tommy to know that some voices liked his company, but he said it anyway because the minority voices are always the loudest.

"o-oh, that's interesting." Tommy said in a quiet tone.

"Why? You hear voices too?" Techno replied jokingly, but didn't actually expect Tommy to respond seriously.

"I don't think they're voices, I think they're just hallucinations, they come and go at specific times, nothing serious really."

Tommy laughed it off but then remembered exile again. One time when he was preparing that beach party, he saw Tubbo, he looked so real, he had a compass and was hiding in the corner of his eye. Ghostbur saw him too, but no one else seemed to notice. Then he remembered the time he stood on that bridge, the lava was calling out to him. At that moment he felt insane, the bubbly warmth of that hot liquid, convincing him to jump in, that that was the only way to go home. He hates lava now, not because it scares him, because the warmth still invites him in everytime. When he went to visit Dream in prison, when he went through that room filled with lava, it was so unbelievably traumatic, a sudden urge to just fall in every second he looked at it, he hates lava. Then the time he stood on that pillar, there were, what sounded like thousands of people, telling him to jump, and do a flip on the way down, in a serious-mocking tone. He couldn't bare it so he jumped, but the wings saved him, he glided down at the last second, that's when he realised what kind of person Dream was. If it weren't for those wings he would've died. _He should've died_

"TOMMY!"

He heard Phil's voice call out and he immediately came back from his thoughts.  
"huh?"

"You've gone pale, you alright mate?" Phil asked with a bit of concern.

"Yeah... yeah." Tommy answered back without much care in his voice, "Where were we going?"

"uh, nowhere really." Techno answered.

They all slowly headed in the direction of the Holy Land, and the Therapy office. The walk was silent again until Tommy started out a conversation.

"I'm getting my hearing aids soon."

"Your what?" Techno asked.

"My hearing aids, similar to the ones Tubbo has." Tommy explained, "After all the explosions and shit, it's kinda hard to hear." 

Tommy has been waiting for his hearing aids for weeks now, since they're kinda hard to get around here, Bad tried his best to get them as soon as possible. Tubbo got his hearing aids after the Manburg festival, and after he became president, he met up with Callahan from time to time for sign language lessons. Tommy himself dismissed the "it's hard to hear" point that's another reason why he didn't get them sooner. It's not like he can't hear at all, it's more of the fact that 50% of the time everything sound muffled and he's forced to pretend he understands those around him.

The others didn't reply, Techno just responded with a quiet "m". They were now near the Therapy office, where Tommy noticed through the window that Puffy, Bad and Sam were inside. _Maybe I could tell them that I need to talk to Puffy and they'll leave me alone._ Tommy honestly doesn't know why he's so scared to say that he doesn't want to walk with them anymore. He keeps thinking about what Techno might have on him, extremely powerful weapons, a lot of strength and harm potions, many gapples, wither skulls, he's scared of what Techno is capable of, after all, Technoblade was one of the strongest Hypixel fighters, Hypixel arena was also apparently where Phil found Tommy and Wilbur.

Tommy stretched his arms up "Alright, I need to-" And that was his mistake. He forgot about Eret's advice that he shouldn't move too much, now he suffers the consequences. Tommy just let out a loud "fuck" in a high pitched voice. It felt like his nervous system was ripped out, but it wasn't as much pain as when his wings were in fact cut off.

The people inside the Therapy office definitely heard the scream because they all came outside to see Tommy crouched on the ground embracing himself and quietly whimpering swear words over and over.

Puffy was the first one to get to him, she knelt down and told Tommy to breathe slowly. 

"Numb the fucking pain I beg you!" At this point Tommy didn't care what overs thought, he just needed to get rid of that sudden shock. He was choking at his words continuously until Bad finally came with a few splash potions of regeneration, or was it resistance? Tommy couldn't tell over the mist that formed in his eyes.  
Sam and Bad immediately started numbing the pain, they were all so worried and scared for the boy. But what did Phil and Techno do? Absolutely nothing, they watched as if this was some sick reality show.

It took a while but Tommy finally calmed down. The first thing that Puffy did was embrace Tommy, making sure that he's 100% alright. 

"I'm sorry for worrying you, I just forgot about the rules Eret set me..."

It took The three of them twenty minutes to stop worrying about Tommy but they finally left. Tommy was once again left with Technoblade and Philza. Tommy decided to finally speak up.

"So yeah, I'll be going home now, need to rest so the wounds from where I had my wings don't rip open or some shit." 

"Your what?"

That's when Tommy realised he slipped up.

"Wings?" Techno repeated.

"W-well I guess there's no pin in hiding it now. I have wings haha..." Tommy tried his best to play it cool, "Well, had wings, they're kinda no longer there, I had them cut off."

Phil looked like he was about to burst, "You had grown wings and never cared to tell me?! Why the hell would you cut them off!" Phil was upset, it wasn't clear whether it was sad-upset or angry-upset but Techno was trying to calm him down.

"Why I had them cut off huh?" Tommy stumbled over his words thinking of an excuse as he did not dare to tell them the real reason, "I guess that some things just... Don't deserve to fly."

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic so I'm sorry if it isn't that good :')
> 
> I hope it's at least somewhat enjoyable to read.
> 
> Ps. If u saw a spelling mistake, no u didn't.


End file.
